we're counting only days before my fate gets to be decided. and i dont know why certain people gets to take it lightly or rudely comment that it would turn badly for me. These certain people I might add I have high expectations of. People I was expecting to be the first ones I could run to and ask comfort from or just cheer me up not the other way around. Was I supposed to always understand their pathetic lives? I dont need pity. That is one thing I definitely dont need. For I definitely dont want to be pitied at or be babied upon. I just need someone to be a friend to me. To make me laugh or just assure me everything is going to be alright or simply be there for me, no matter what. It pisses me off that these people who I treated to be my 'run-to's' were these self-absorbed.  so im here all alone, wondering what to do next to get my mind off that fateful day. im in between. in the gray area. im all for 'yes' but id have to make do with the 'no' when it comes. And still, my faith still helps me through all of this.