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Sunday, February 24, 2008
we're counting only days before my fate gets to be decided. and i dont know why certain people gets to take it lightly or rudely comment that it would turn badly for me. These certain people I might add I have high expectations of. People I was expecting to be the first ones I could run to and ask comfort from or just cheer me up not the other way around. Was I supposed to always understand their pathetic lives? I dont need pity. That is one thing I definitely dont need. For I definitely dont want to be pitied at or be babied upon. I just need someone to be a friend to me. To make me laugh or just assure me everything is going to be alright or simply be there for me, no matter what. It pisses me off that these people who I treated to be my 'run-to's' were these self-absorbed. so im here all alone, wondering what to do next to get my mind off that fateful day. im in between. in the gray area. im all for 'yes' but id have to make do with the 'no' when it comes. And still, my faith still helps me through all of this.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
he didnt give me flowers. it was that time of the year that everyone wears red and celeberate love. and yet he didnt give me flowers. he picked me up from work. had dinner in the most expensive restaurant i have been to. and spent all of my savings on it. we had our friends tag along with us for the rest night. had a few bottles of beer and crashed in the apartment. and yet still no flowers. i woke up the next day to get shouted at. and as my last hopeful heart gave up..nothing still. he didnt give me flowers. but its ok. im ok. but us? go figure.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
he's back. and yet, im a mess.i have alot of unsettling ideas in my head. a lot fo confused emotions that i try to understand. my mood swings are at its highest peak. i thought everything would be okay now, i thought he would be able to save me. to know the right answers. to make everything right. but then again, he wasnt God. i had to do it all myself. and i guess leave everything to fate.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
im sorry. im sorry that you were awake. im sorry that you heard. im sorry that you know. im sorry that we did it. but thank you. for being honest with me. now, i do understand you.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
its funny how we started out as acquaintances. and then just clicked. its funny how we then took care and looked out for each other. its funny how we could always count on each other in times of frustrations. one call and we'd always be ready to put a smile on each other's face.its funny how we became so comfortable with each other, and shared our deepest emotions over a few bottles of alcohol. and then suddenly, all of it dissappears-- back to being strangers. minding our own businesses.living our own separate lives. i dont know how it happened. maybe its me.maybe its you. or maybe its just is.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
one word -- DIFFERENT. .. and as the clock struck midnight, to finally start 2008, hugs and kisses were exchanged to both strangers and friends alike. as we raise our champagne glasses and toast to great 2007. but still theres something missing. or should i say 'someone'. i miss my family. i miss you.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Just so you know, i dont miss you. I busy myself with work and wear myself out everyday. I go out with friends during my days off and succumb myself to a few bottles of alcohol before going to sleep. I enjoy the company of the people around me with endless conversations. I dont make time for myself. For me to think of you, of where you are, or how you are not here with me. AND just so you know, i tried all of these things.BUT still i miss you. Back to the time when were classmates.when we were just bestfriends.when we were just always looking out for each other.and when everyone else didnt understand what we are back then.and when finally, we knew that they were right and we both took the risk. I MISS YOU.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
"---, ingat ka lang ha. u might confuse your feelings.alam mo na..kc sha palagi nkkita mo, nkksama mo. he does things for you and all. and you're fond of him for all these reasons. i know your going to be just fine. but. just be careful. ok?" *uh-huh!*
Thursday, November 29, 2007
thanks to tantan i had my 'fun last night. drinking the night away w/ d boys! thanks for driving me from gardena to ontario and back.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
is not what im good at. and yet life has again challenged me by presenting me with the most 'agonizing,do-or-die' wait i would ever have to do.(well, up to date that is). i feel restless. i feel useless and unresourceful since i cant do anything BUT wait. back to sleepless nights. morning trances.spaced-out afternoons.endless thinking. and nerve wrecking anticipation! --- on a lighter note, xmas is just around the corner. i just dont know if im really that excited about it. but still i wont deny that xmas spirit cheers me up and lightens up my mood for most days. i get caught singing xmas songs played over the radio. and complimenting xmas decors in malls and shops. =)
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 original skins title : w4rnawarni: (pink) bikini girl (Adfree) designed by w4rnawarni @ blogskins |
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