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Saturday, March 22, 2008
that fateful day has finally come. mom was the deliverer of bad news. i got a call from her at office hours. back from the call, i act composed and as if no bad news has been relayed to me. i was still able to laugh at my colleagues funny antics and crazy stories. i was ok. or so i think. until i told him the news. and i broke down. id been here for almost a year now. and ive always thought that id be ok to leave all of this behind. that i would not feel any emotional attachment to unlce sam. that leaving wouldnt feel this heavy and difficult. maybe because im leaving you behind. or maybe because ive enjoyed every single day that i was here. i know its just for a while, but still i feel like im going to miss so much.. i never knew id miss this adopted country of mine. i never knew id miss the f*cking cold weather, and the scorching summer heat. i never knew id miss my train rides and bus hopping adventures. i never knew id miss my place of work-- the gossips, the chitchats, the food deliveries, the crazy customer stories, the VIP parties, my eccentric colleagues. i never knew id miss my bestbuddys. i never knew id miss my friends here. i never knew id miss the 'bundat nko' food trips and buffets. i never knew id miss being a roomy. i never knew id miss the night outs and the steady 'garahe' inuman here. i never knew id miss the independency, the freedom and the responsibilities of being one. i never knew id miss going online for our mapquested roadtrips. i never knew id miss our 'shop till we drop' moments.
but hey id be going back home, i should be happy right?
Sunday, March 09, 2008
When I talk about it
It carries on Reasons only knew When I talk about it Aries or treasons All renew Big me to talk about it I could stand to prove If we can get around it I know that its true When I talked about it Carried on Reasons only knew But its you I fell into Well I talked about it Put it on Never was it true But its you I fell into
Sunday, February 24, 2008
we're counting only days before my fate gets to be decided. and i dont know why certain people gets to take it lightly or rudely comment that it would turn badly for me. These certain people I might add I have high expectations of. People I was expecting to be the first ones I could run to and ask comfort from or just cheer me up not the other way around. Was I supposed to always understand their pathetic lives? I dont need pity. That is one thing I definitely dont need. For I definitely dont want to be pitied at or be babied upon. I just need someone to be a friend to me. To make me laugh or just assure me everything is going to be alright or simply be there for me, no matter what. It pisses me off that these people who I treated to be my 'run-to's' were these self-absorbed. so im here all alone, wondering what to do next to get my mind off that fateful day. im in between. in the gray area. im all for 'yes' but id have to make do with the 'no' when it comes. And still, my faith still helps me through all of this.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
he didnt give me flowers. it was that time of the year that everyone wears red and celeberate love. and yet he didnt give me flowers. he picked me up from work. had dinner in the most expensive restaurant i have been to. and spent all of my savings on it. we had our friends tag along with us for the rest night. had a few bottles of beer and crashed in the apartment. and yet still no flowers. i woke up the next day to get shouted at. and as my last hopeful heart gave up..nothing still. he didnt give me flowers. but its ok. im ok. but us? go figure.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
he's back. and yet, im a mess.i have alot of unsettling ideas in my head. a lot fo confused emotions that i try to understand. my mood swings are at its highest peak. i thought everything would be okay now, i thought he would be able to save me. to know the right answers. to make everything right. but then again, he wasnt God. i had to do it all myself. and i guess leave everything to fate.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
im sorry. im sorry that you were awake. im sorry that you heard. im sorry that you know. im sorry that we did it. but thank you. for being honest with me. now, i do understand you.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
its funny how we started out as acquaintances. and then just clicked. its funny how we then took care and looked out for each other. its funny how we could always count on each other in times of frustrations. one call and we'd always be ready to put a smile on each other's face.its funny how we became so comfortable with each other, and shared our deepest emotions over a few bottles of alcohol. and then suddenly, all of it dissappears-- back to being strangers. minding our own businesses.living our own separate lives. i dont know how it happened. maybe its me.maybe its you. or maybe its just is.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
one word -- DIFFERENT. .. and as the clock struck midnight, to finally start 2008, hugs and kisses were exchanged to both strangers and friends alike. as we raise our champagne glasses and toast to great 2007. but still theres something missing. or should i say 'someone'. i miss my family. i miss you.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Just so you know, i dont miss you. I busy myself with work and wear myself out everyday. I go out with friends during my days off and succumb myself to a few bottles of alcohol before going to sleep. I enjoy the company of the people around me with endless conversations. I dont make time for myself. For me to think of you, of where you are, or how you are not here with me. AND just so you know, i tried all of these things.BUT still i miss you. Back to the time when were classmates.when we were just bestfriends.when we were just always looking out for each other.and when everyone else didnt understand what we are back then.and when finally, we knew that they were right and we both took the risk. I MISS YOU.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
"---, ingat ka lang ha. u might confuse your feelings.alam mo na..kc sha palagi nkkita mo, nkksama mo. he does things for you and all. and you're fond of him for all these reasons. i know your going to be just fine. but. just be careful. ok?" *uh-huh!*
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